Try to Put on a Happy Face

Everyone's been there before--you know, those times when you have to put on a fake smile to make it through the day... or you really do have happy feelings, but they feel like fleeting moments glimpsing through a grim gray cloud that is hovering over your life for a period of time.

It's not frequent, but with two toddlers tying me down to the house, adjusting to each kids' mood swings, and listening to that whiny cry, I've been there recently. Looking at the history of my blog, it's easy to think that everything is great and we are always smiling and happy. Why is it that I tend to write only about the good stuff? Am I hiding the nasty details, or do I prefer to not remember them?

It's easy to feel alone in the struggle too, because you look at other people and they look like they've got it all under control. But really, they secretly are suffering and struggling in their unique ways too. I think other people might look at me and think I've got it all together, because my kids are relatively well-behaved in public and I try not to complain, but I do not feel or look so composed all the time at home!

Piper throws things down when she is mad (usually a toy/sippy cup) or arches her back and throwing her head backwards when I'm trying to pick her up or move her.

Addisyn goes from happy to the-world's-coming-to-an-end hysterical crying in 1.3 seconds (just look at the photo documentation above!). The pathetic whining and telling mommy "no" is wearing me out. I've been threatening "time-outs" and actually put her in her room and closed the door while she cried in there for over 20 minutes.

I want to use the afternoon nap time to actually accomplish something, but I'm either too brain-drained, or I've got to change another poopy diaper, someone wakes up early, or I can't leave the house to run the errand I've been wanting to do for the last week.... Staying at home all day is not my idea of fun, but it is hard getting out of the house, especially with a transitioning (read: unpredictable) naptime. I feel like I'm standing around watching the kids play and figuring out what they need next, bored out of my mind, but can't get involved in anything interesting because then the kids will want to do what I'm doing instead of free play, and I don't want them snacking on blackberries or crashing the computer.

I am most at a loss with the WHINING. Whining is the WORST!!! Even more so than the little one being fussy or not laying still for diaper changes. I have to wonder, am I doing something wrong this 2nd time around? I definitely believe that they are responding to seeing and hearing my own frustration. They've seen me throw a toy across the room or kick it out of the way with my foot. They offer me the sincerest form of flattery--imitation. Great. Can you hear my sarcasm? I can only do deep breaths and count in my head for so long. I wish screaming and cussing was a magic solution that would make everything better, but I know it won't, so I just simmer and operate at a dangerous level where I think I might blow up at any moment.

I can still "put on my happy face" if I have to (even if some people still see right through it--I'm not a good liar).


Thankfully the girls are always giving me something to smile about to keep me in check. Just look at these pictures of them playing in their matching jammies. How can I not smile when looking at them? Even through the blurred vision from my tears.